god, you pull my head into your chest. i'm panting and sweating cuz i've been wrestling with you--kicking, swinging, yelling at you...you're hot and breathing hard, too. but not as much as me. you're a better fighter than i am. you pull me into one of those hugs i loathe and love at the same time. it's like a hug from a parent who just released you from your room--a.k.a. the jail cell you stayed in while the rest of your family ate supper. your favorite meal, in fact. but you can't keep from giving into the whole 'embrace' thing. i'm still fighting only now on the foremost front in my brain. i can't stand you but i can't help but---PROFANITY--love you. during your holding me i'm resisting and angry and crying and you know it. and i'm not looking at you but i know your face is cringing too cuz you're feeling this grossness surge through your veins. too.
dialogue. simple and the sweetness isn't lost on me.
"but you know i'm good, right, micah?"
"yeah, god. i know."
he held me tight and i allowed myself a breath. turned into a deep breath that, on exhale, sounded like a good long sigh. i hugged him back.
and now for a pslam...
Psalm 121
i lift my eyes to the hills.
from where does my help come?
(rhetorical question)
my help comes from the lord,
who made heaven and earth.
he will not let your foot be moved
(good, cuz i hate people touchin my feet)
he who keeps you will not slumber.
behold, he who keeps israel
(the people who wrestle with god)
will neither slumber nor sleep.
the lord is your keeper;
the lord is your shade on your right hand.
(why does my right hand need shading? JUST my right hand?)
the sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.
the lord will keep you from ALL evil;
he will KEEP your life. (in his pocket)
the lord will keep your going out and
your coming in from this time forth and FOREVERmore.
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