you wanna blog? i'll give you a blog. (nobody actually asked me for a blog.)
I AM PISSED. i think god's plan SUCKS. if this is where i'm at at the end of the day and if where i'm at is where god wants me then at the end of the day i'm saying: god's plan sucks.
i'm my own best psychologist. i've asked all the questions. i've gotten to the root of the problem. i've traced it back to its very beginnings. and just so you know, no light has gone off. there've been no 'ahaaa' moments. because the answer is: DUH.
i broke up
i went to an unbearable college
i went to a different college
i had an unbearable major
i had a crappy summer
i had a job at the shelter
atomic bomb detonated inside myself
and nothing's gotten better since.
four years down and i haven't felt consistently happy for four years. i haven't felt like MYSELF in four years.
fantastic.
so, i've asked myself all the hard to ask questions. i've been vulnerable. i've cried my eyes shut. i've toughed it out and i've been proactive. i've read my bible. i've memorized. i've prayed. and it's all led me HERE. this crappy place that feels like crap and i'm now a cynical, in your face JERK without a filter.
if people have ropes, i'm at the end of mine. and guess what's at the end? not a grand miraculous intervention from the lord--though, that'd be nice. no, more like a trip to the doctor's office, crying your eyes out two seconds after he checked your reflexes.
this is the intervention from the lord i get: medication because i "just can't cope with life."
if THAT'S god's plan then god's plan SUCKS.
in the words of stacie orrico: there's gotta be more to life.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
no, my life's not boring. but thanks. how's your day?
nooooooooo, i don't drink. noooooooo, i don't have sex. nooooooooooo, my life's not boring.
but thanks for generalizing me into some huge genre where we're all the same and i'm a pussy if i'm NOT (the same).
i'm IRRITATED that every FIVE SECONDS i have to choose whether or not to halt all normal conversation JUST SO everyone in the circle knows that i don't agree with what's being said.
i'm ANNOYED that people think that beer and sex is all there is to life.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT, i say anybody that thinks that and makes fun of me for NOT thinking that actually has a very different version of life that they go by. SO GO BY IT. do whatever you want! you might be fine, relatively speaking, and you might not be and it might all depend on the day but ALL IN ALL, WE'RE DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
your fun is probably not my fun. you probably think i'm a goody good on a pedestal. i probably think you're insecure and if you were really confident in your life decisions THEN YOU WOULDN'T BE TALKING SO MUCH SMACK. if you were REALLY confident in your decisions then you wouldn't CARE what i thought and you wouldn't FEEL like i'm JUDGING you even though we really don't even know each others' NAMES. you go make your decisions and GET SOME PEOPLE SKILLS because if you're gonna be the way you are then you better get comfortable.
not that i think you should be comfortable. for those of you uncomfortable you should probably not ignore that and do something about it. i recommend, seriously and genuinely, that you talk to jesus. and read a bible. i like the english standard version in case you're wondering. chasing religion is and forever will be a waste of your time. get the real deal from the beginning. jesus. yes. k. we're done.
and while i'm at it, i'm honestly gonna say that if you're comfortable now making the choices you're making and those choices mainly include sex and alcohol, i'd bet some day you're NOT gonna be comfortable. and then i'd refer you to the paragraph just before this one.
BUT CAN WE ALL JUST BE CIVIL?
for crying out loud.
if you decide not to be civil then you owe me one because it ain't gon be fun putting up with you until you decide otherwise.
but then...i owe jesus like infinite amounts so, you and me, we're straight. BUT JUST SO YOU KNOW, i have to pray to get along with you.
for some reason i get satisfaction from saying that. i hope i don't have a breach of conscience and have to take that down because i LIKE that satisfied feeling i've got right now.....
we'll go with it.
but thanks for generalizing me into some huge genre where we're all the same and i'm a pussy if i'm NOT (the same).
i'm IRRITATED that every FIVE SECONDS i have to choose whether or not to halt all normal conversation JUST SO everyone in the circle knows that i don't agree with what's being said.
i'm ANNOYED that people think that beer and sex is all there is to life.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT, i say anybody that thinks that and makes fun of me for NOT thinking that actually has a very different version of life that they go by. SO GO BY IT. do whatever you want! you might be fine, relatively speaking, and you might not be and it might all depend on the day but ALL IN ALL, WE'RE DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
your fun is probably not my fun. you probably think i'm a goody good on a pedestal. i probably think you're insecure and if you were really confident in your life decisions THEN YOU WOULDN'T BE TALKING SO MUCH SMACK. if you were REALLY confident in your decisions then you wouldn't CARE what i thought and you wouldn't FEEL like i'm JUDGING you even though we really don't even know each others' NAMES. you go make your decisions and GET SOME PEOPLE SKILLS because if you're gonna be the way you are then you better get comfortable.
not that i think you should be comfortable. for those of you uncomfortable you should probably not ignore that and do something about it. i recommend, seriously and genuinely, that you talk to jesus. and read a bible. i like the english standard version in case you're wondering. chasing religion is and forever will be a waste of your time. get the real deal from the beginning. jesus. yes. k. we're done.
and while i'm at it, i'm honestly gonna say that if you're comfortable now making the choices you're making and those choices mainly include sex and alcohol, i'd bet some day you're NOT gonna be comfortable. and then i'd refer you to the paragraph just before this one.
BUT CAN WE ALL JUST BE CIVIL?
for crying out loud.
if you decide not to be civil then you owe me one because it ain't gon be fun putting up with you until you decide otherwise.
but then...i owe jesus like infinite amounts so, you and me, we're straight. BUT JUST SO YOU KNOW, i have to pray to get along with you.
for some reason i get satisfaction from saying that. i hope i don't have a breach of conscience and have to take that down because i LIKE that satisfied feeling i've got right now.....
we'll go with it.
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