i've been working with teenagers lately (crazy thinking i was their age less than a decade ago...i'm still pretty wet behind the ears...) and i've been experiencing a little bit of what their lives are like. their lives are everything: every emotion in the book complete with reasons for each one of them.
my goodness gracious.
i've been disappointed with the lack of joy i've been feeling in the midst of all these lives and their drama within. i thought joy was going to be automatic because...i don't know why...maybe i thought i was just that awesome and could swing my mighty sword at satan's face with all courage and all strength...
well, i'm not very courageous and i'm quite the weakling, come to find out. i think anytime i was UNaware of that, i must've been on an ego trip...or something. and i haven't seen anything close to everything. i know i'm currently seeing a fraction of a fraction of what's out there...but still.. sometimes my gut just hurts a lot and i need nothing more than an abundance of movies with roommates and hot baths (sometimes i eat my cereal while in the bathtub). like i said: weakling.
but i don't even care. i don't care if every person in the world is boss at my job and i'm not. I'M A WUSS AND PROUD OF IT. a wuss that's learning.
sometimes i feel drained and sometimes i feel like someone opened the floodgates of my face. all are welcomed. but the reason why i'm writing this is because there were ALL SORTS of good and bad that happened today...and i might have to go cry at some point but overall, i left that place with JOY in my heart. not a lot, but a little bit.
my god's a good god and even when i'm drawing blanks and feeling like i suck, while that may be true, god's bigger. and the holy spirit isn't restricted by my crappiness. his power is ACT-UALLY made perfect in my weakness. one of the corinthians, chapter twelve, verse nine. BOOM. god's boss at my job and i'm on his team. SCORE.
for that reason alone, i've got a hope.
:D
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