peeing makes sense.

so, here's the deal. this is why i'm hopeless.

firstly, i feel like my brain is something that needs somewhat of an introduction. my brain has been genetically formed, half, by mom and the other half by dad. dad=smart, logical, handy, fun.  mom=smart, handy, crazy fun, spontaneous.

this means, mathematically speaking, that my brain is logical depending on whether or not logical is fun. i'll be responsible when need be but i am by no means a kill joy. i'll jump on bandwagons (as long as they're not headed morally south) and i'll enjoy myself. for instance, i'll accept an invitation from a sleepy roommate to go get chocolate shakes at two in the morning. she suggests we wear side pony-tails. why? who cares. we just do it. and then my friend wants to get something pierced. have i always wanted extra holes in my face? i don't know, i guess i'm not opposed to it. so, where should the piercest put his needle for twenty bucks? ah, who cares, how bout my nose. boom. and why not, right?

then, my parents are both handy so, yes, i'll demand i don't need help changing my car's oil and i'll try my hand as make-up artist on a roommate that couldn't care less but HAS to care less because she's invited to a dance. fun stuff.

and my mom's spontaneous. and i'm a people person. so, i spontaneously book times to hang out with people. so much so sometimes, that i end up at the end of my day and i think to myself..."uh. self? you haven't read your bible yet." and then i decide that, WOW, my priorities suck and i'm incredibly unaccomplished in this life business. also a question to ponder is, HEY, am i busy for god or am i busy for ME? my answer=maybe both.

but i'm sinking, folks. i've got so much on my plate (relatively speaking) that i don't know where to start out every day. i know i've gotta list a mile long but, in that, i get so overwhelmed that i'd rather just sit on my couch and stare at a wall...trying to forget that i've everything to do... and trying to forget that i wouldn't have all this to do if i weren't so spontaneously irresponsible.

next step: call mom and ask her why i'm having so much difficulty growing up. she explains that i'm half her. she's a people person. she likes to be involved in people's lives. and she's constantly gotta reorder and rearrange and reTHINK how she plans her days because she--like me--can easily book herself into a scheduling corner in which she/we/ME barely have time to pee.

and, people, i NEED to pee in a day's time. just sayin.

so, i decide to buy a jumbo calendar and map out my time, down to the minute. and then i tell mom, "who am i kidding. i'll just use it for a week and then i'll drop it." i decide to focus in on fewer people but then i think, "who am i kidding. i'll get bored doing whatever it is i'll be doing by NOT hanging out with people and i'll schedule some hang out of sorts. and BAM. i'm extrovert-gone-crazy-for-the-sake-of-what?-again?"

mom laughs at me.

i say, "i'm hopeless. why even try."

crap. i can't handle this. but i cancel plans and work says "hey, we don't need ya today!" and i'll have all this free time to do ________ with. and then, i stare at that blank because, nope...um...can't figure out what to do. i told mom that if i have a couple hours to myself then i wouldn't know what to do with myself.

"MICAH. RELAX," you might say. i'll have you know that i am the QUEEN of relaxing. when i relax. when i can relax. when i can let go and not care and take a break. but...honestly...i'm incapable at this point and time.

i'm hopeless. sugar, we're goin down. SUCK! i don't wanna go down! intervention...hellooo....jesus, i need HELP.