or else your life will suck worse.

i've got more blessing flowing through my life than i can keep track of. though, it makes me happy when i do. and i've also got a lot of crap circulating which, more often than not, overshadows the good going on. i've got choices to make every day: do i not stir things up and hang out in situations that aren't good for me?  or do i stir things up and get out of situations that aren't good for me, in which case, i've lost a place to hang out.  i come up empty at the end of most days and making smart decisions pisses me off.  smart choices doesn't always mean seclusion but some days it does.  i look inside myself on those days and see if i can find any character building in process...but pretty much all i see is nothing. except the blaring feeling that, in this too, i've gotta have faith.  which pisses me off but still leaves me feeling comforted in a non-obvious or sometimes obvious way when i fall asleep at night.

wisdom that transcends every aspect of your life comes from the lord.  not that people who don't love jesus are dumb... but i've got a pretty obvious 'red light, green light' system in place inside me because of jesus/holy spirit. CONVENIENT. but it's also rare to find my head and heart in the same place at the same time. choices have to be made based solely off those stop and/or go signals the holy spirit gives off and i can't wait for my innards to agree with each other.  which can leave me dragging my feet when something's changed in my life because of a decision i MADE not because of a decision that i FELT. but somehow there's a resounding something inside me that approves.  and the lord's got all the therapy i need in order to get back up to speed. because, seriously. i could use some counseling. that'd be fantastic.

and people are coming out of the woodwork to help.  jesus never leaves his kids abandoned. good thing. he's faithful to his kids even when they're big bratty jerks.  and for some reason i think he's especially faithful when his folks are faithful to him.  whatever that looks like.  SO, DON'T BE DUMB AND MAKE GOOD CHOICES. or else your life will suck worse than it does now.

the end.

matt theissen. oh, matt theissen.

this song pops into my head for the first time in seven years today as i'm driving to work. AS IT TURNS OUT, it's pretty relevant to life today.  how fantastic. oh, matt theissen.  there IS benefit to memorizing tunes on repeat ALL DAY, ERY DAY when you're thirteen. lyrics come back right when you like them to. how fantastic.

unfortunately unnecessarily unintelligent.

riding two horses with one ass is not something the rowdiest rodeo stars attempt...so, why not pick a side in life? the lines get blurred sometimes and nobody's perfect but can't we just be resigned to a default that always brings us back home?  and can't we do everything in our current power to lessen the blurriness in our lives?  wouldn't life be easier if we were faithful to the loyalties we've got in life?  would more consistency make us as boring as people say?  

i'm hearing people say things about you that aren't good.  hearing what i heard about you might break your heart. but knowing that if what i heard didn't break your heart then it'd break MY heart. because then you're in trouble and you don't care that you're in trouble.  that makes double trouble.

what's unfortunate is unnecessary unintelligence: you don't have to be dumb but you're choosing to be.  you may not see the flames yet but smoke is rising in your life and sooner or later you're going to be one. hot. mess.

and i'm watching the guns pointing at me as i'm pointing at you. i'm concerned with my own life and i'm trying.  wholeheartedly following jesus is a very. very. very gradual process. and there might always be movement in that process but that doesn't imply forward motion, necessarily.  however. i've got grounds to stand on that say what you're doing is wrong.  and so unnecessary.

"it is my eager expectation and hope that i will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death."
-philippians 1:20