there aren't many times in life when i'm consciously aware of how thankful i am for where i'm at and where god's had me in the past.
i gripe and gag over some things that've gone down in the past few years.. it's honestly a little difficult to remember life before college.. seems like college took on a life of its own.. most everything that could've changed did change and its been hard for me to keep up.
i complain a lot, relatively speaking. as good as god's been, you'd think i'd have shut my mouth a long time ago. but tonight i feel thankful.
bible college a couple years back was hell. i hated it and have since not said many positive things about it. always leaving room for the "oh, but it might be good for YOU if you want to try it out. it just wasn't good for ME" comment. but dangit, throughout that crappy year god was really close. i was a weeping, whacked out mess but jesus took care of me each and every second. i remember waking up every morning with a brain full of dread, but everyday he gave me grace to keep going. even though teachers got pissed at me for doing my homework in class. the brunt of my time spent OUTside of class was filled with constructive intentions but tired eyes that won EVERY time.
that year was such a blessing. that place became a hellish haven for me. inside it, i felt pretty miserable...but i can tell that i was so protected, too. it didn't matter who i came up against, i could cry in front of anyone and they'd quote scripture to me. it didn't matter whose door i knocked on, SOMEbody asked me how i was REALLY doing. and it didn't matter which professor i couldn't stand listening to...every one of them prayed over me and my class at the start and finish of each period. prayers that helped put meat on my bones when i felt spiritually and emotionally anorexic.
and even if i was a little outspoken and incredibly internally rebellious (and occasionally outwardly rebellious)...and even if i couldn't TAKE IT ANYMORE every second i was there...god gave grace for that. he dumped it on me...and he's still dumping it on me.
good stuff. good god.
that's all.
